Stages of Grief & How to Heal

Grief is a universal experience. At some point, everyone will experience grief through the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or another major life-altering change. While there are suggested “stages of grief,” it’s also a very personal experience. Grief is not linear, there are no rules or timelines, and not everyone will heal in the same way or time.

Nova Vita Solutions

Grief is a complex journey that affects both the mind and body. At Nova Vita, we use a holistic approach to healing and offer tailored solutions to support you through every stage of grief. One of our most transformative therapies is ketamine therapy, known for its fast-acting and highly effective relief of symptoms related to severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD. By helping to reset neural pathways, ketamine can alleviate the exposing weight of grief. Throughout grief, it’s common for your appetite to diminish, leaving the body deprived of essential nutrients. To combat this, we offer infusions full of vitamins, minerals, and amino acids delivered directly into the bloodstream. These infusions are designed to replenish what grief has taken away, restoring physical strength and energy to support your emotional healing process. To learn more about how Nova Vita can help you on your grief journey, visit our website to book an appointment.

What is Grief?

The American Psychological Association defines grief as the anguish experienced after a significant loss, commonly the death of a beloved person. The pain is often overwhelming; you may experience many emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, confusion, and profound sadness.

Intense grief can disrupt your physical health and affect your immune system, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think straight. These feelings may be alarming, but they are all normal reactions to loss. The more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be.

The Seven Stages of Grief

In 1969, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross established that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, more recently, grief expert David Kressler has discussed additional stages of grief including shock and testing to total 7 stages of grief. While everyone grieves differently, these stages share commonalities and the order of feelings experienced during grief.

Not everyone will experience every stage of grief, go through them in order, or experience them at a set duration. The stages of grief act as a tool for understanding the grieving process you or another person may experience. There is no “right” way to grieve, but knowing the typical stages of grief may help you process your pain and make sense of your healing journey.

Shock

When a loss occurs, you may experience a numbing disbelief and shock. No one is ever truly prepared for a loss so significant, and being shocked can serve as an emotional buffer to prevent you from feeling overwhelmed.

When you are in shock after a loss, you may appear to behave normally or as if nothing has happened because you are so numb. Your body hasn’t truly processed the loss yet; reality has not hit you. You may experience a sense of detachment from what has happened. These feelings are self-protective echanisms that prevent you from being burdened with many emotions simultaneously.

Denial

During the denial stage of grief, your brain is unable to comprehend the loss. Denial is your brain’s way of dissociating from your feelings of grief, allowing you to experience and accept only what you can handle in that moment. As you slowly accept the new reality and the weight of your loss, your denial will begin to diminish and you will move forward through the healing process.

Until the shock and denial stages wear off, you may experience being extremely distressed from reminders of your loss, being emotionally closed off from people around you, or wanting to avoid people so you don’t have to acknowledge or discuss your loss. You may forget things, get easily distracted, or procrastinate during the denial stage. Those around may attempt to get you to do something or discuss your pain, but however you feel or react is valid.

Anger

Shock and denial may be considered coping mechanisms, and anger is a masking effect to hide the true pain you may carry. This anger may be directed at others, such as the person who died, the people around you who can’t understand your grief, your faith, or even yourself. You may internally acknowledge that your anger is irrational, but your feelings are too intense to accept that outwardly. Under all the anger is your true pain. Anger may be uncomfortable and even foreign, but it provides more structure to your grieving than dissociation and feeling emotionless.

It’s important to find a safe and healthy way to express your anger, instead of ignoring it and making you more resentful. Try going for a run, ripping up paper, or going somewhere you can safely smash things (consider The Breaking Point in Austin!). Allow yourself to express your feelings so you can process your grief and learn to cope.

Bargaining

Part of grief can include feelings of guilt, shame, or blame for your loss, meaning you may fit into the bargaining stage of grief. You may find yourself constantly running through scenarios and asking yourself “what if” questions. You may feel guilty for not doing enough to prevent the loss or spending enough time with the person you lost.

You’ll run through a series of “should’ve, could’ve, would’ve” scenarios that are often unproductive in accepting your reality. It’s impossible to go back in time and change things to prevent your loss. Instead, try holding onto the good memories to help you let go of the guilt. You could write a letter to your loved one, talk to them out loud, pray, look through photo albums with them, or explore other creative ways to reflect on the good times.

Depression.

When you feel the true weight of the loss, you may experience a deeper level of sadness called the depression stage. It’s important to note that this sadness is not the same as clinical depression. You may experience some of the same symptoms of a depressive disorder (withdrawal from experiences that please you, inability to perform daily tasks, etc.), but these feelings of depression tend to ebb and flow throughout grief.

Note when you have a depressed mood for a few days then feel better the next during this stage of grief. This will help distinguish between the depression stage of grief and clinical depression. When you are grieving, you might have a few consistent depressed days before feeling okay for the next few; with clinical depression, these depressed days are persistent and often come with feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness.

During the depression stage of grief, you may lose your appetite and experience insomnia. Your sadness may be all-consuming, and your energy may feel depleted. If you are struggling to find any sense of joy or have thoughts of suicide, reach out to a mental health professional immediately to get help.

Testing

The testing stage of grief is when you try out different ways to help you move forward. You start to build your new normal while processing your feelings. You may come back to this stage of grief several times when experiencing other emotions. Maybe one day you start journaling, and then next you want to throw that journal out the window. That’s completely normal.

The important thing about this stage is to let yourself be open to new opportunities and ways to manage your feelings. For example, you may consider joining a support group, starting painting or journaling, running to release your emotions, or other new ways to cope with your loss. This will look different for everyone, so don’t be too restrictive or ambitious about experimenting with new things. Take it slow, give yourself grace, and allow your emotions to come and go.

Acceptance

The acceptance stage of grief does not imply that your grief is over. This part of the grief journey represents an acceptance of what your new life looks like. You will still return to the other stages of grief (arguably throughout your whole life), but you may start to feel more yourself, even if it’s a different version of yourself before the loss.

Grieving, especially the loss of someone you love, is often a lifelong experience, but with acceptance, you slowly adjust to life without them physically with you. You’ll find new ways to incorporate them into your life, you may receive small signs they’re with you spiritually and maybe you implement new traditions to memorialize them. Sometimes, this will make you happy, other days it could make you cry, and both are okay. At this stage, you will be better equipped to deal with overwhelming emotions and will start to feel more comfortable in your daily life.

Finding Support and Coping Mechanisms

The pain of grief can make you want to isolate and withdraw from others. This can do more harm than good. Expressing your grief and having face-to-face support from others can make the burden of grief easier to carry. Consider the following ways to heal and get support:

● Lean on family and friends.
● Know that some people may feel uncomfortable and won’t be able to help you the way you want.
● Join a support group.
● Turn to your faith.
● Reach out to a therapist or grief specialist.
● Express your feelings creatively (painting, writing, scrapbooking, volunteering).
● Don’t let others tell you how to feel.
● Take care of your physical health through food and exercise.
● Plan for grief triggers (anniversaries, birthdays, etc).

Additionally, the following national and local resources may help:

● Hope for Bereaved: This offers services and support groups for people who are grieving.
● AARP’s Grief and Loss: The AARP provides articles and tools for coping with grief.
● Better Help: This mental health platform provides direct online counseling and therapy services via web or phone text communication.
● Christi Center: The Christi Center provides free, ongoing grief support in Austin and Georgetown, TX. Services include support groups for youth and adults.
● The Austin Center for Grief and Loss: This grief group offers volunteer-facilitated support groups virtually and in person.

Takeaways

No one experiences grief the same way because it’s an extremely personal experience. Grief is often a lifelong process of healing, especially for a loved one who has died. Coping with grief and the changes that come with it does not have to be a journey you take on by yourself. Turn to trusted friends and family, mental health professionals, support groups, and other resources to find clarity, assurance, and support. As always, Nova Vita is here to help you on your journey. To learn more about our ketamine therapy or other therapies, visit our website to book an appointment or call us at 512-387-5920 (Cedar Park) or 512-200-7311 (Austin).